Fists of Furious Fury!

The following is an excerpt from the script of the new action movie 'Fists of Furious Fury: The Jack Mann Chronicles', which is currently in development with Universal Pictures.

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Scene 8

JACK MANN has captured ALUC AL-FLESCHWOUND, and is driving him to the military base for questioning. JACK's sidekick, SHYTE, is also in the car.

JACK: Heh heh, didn't really think I'd fall for that, did you, Fleschy? I mean, how was that supposed to work?

SHYTE: Totally.

(JACK lights a cigarette and takes a gulp of whisky, while driving.)

JACK: I mean, dressing every hostage up to look like you is a pretty solid plan; spread doubt, confuse your pursuers, maybe get some civilians killed-

SHYTE: Cold, bro, cold.

JACK: -don't get me wrong, very villainous, but don't you see the flaw?

ALUC: Miz-turr Mann. I could not expect you to begin to comprehend my menacingly magnificent malicious machinations. You see, your understanding of my scheme is so stunningly stunted that a glimpse of it's true majestic majesty would give you nosebleeds.

JACK: 'Kay, you do that. But the thing is, you're so visually unique that even in a crowd of people diguised as you, you still stand out as the real you amoungst all the yous that aren't you. I think.

ALUC: Aheheh.

SHYTE: Dude, what the J-man's trying to say is that you got those big face scars, and we can recognise you cause of it.

(ALUC stops laughing)

ALUC: ...What...did you say?

SHYTE: You have the word 'Habdabs' carved into your damn skull, man.

ALUC lunges forward, clawing at SHYTE.

ALUC: He was my beloved childhood spider monkey! How dare you dirty his name with your tongue, boy! I shall viciously viscerate yooooou!

(JACK has an exciting and dramatic fistfight with ALUC that involves jumping across cars, and has some really cool explosions that we can't really describe here. ALUC end up pinned under an overturned car, as JACK & SHYTE wait for backup.)

SHYTE: *pant* *pant* dude...'viscerate'?

(JACK pulls shrapnel from his legs and drinks more whiskey.)

JACK: Not so sharp after a few blows to the head, are ya, Fleschy? I think you mean 'E-viscerated'.

ALUC: *rasping* No, you dopes! I shall eviscerate you, then viscerate you back together so I can eviscerate you again!

JACK: Heh, well, I think you should stay right there and get rested...until the backup arrives. Then we'll get you 'Ar-rested'!

(Everyone laughs heartily, apart from ALUC, who struggles vainly, cursing in foreign-speak.)

End of Scene

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Truly, this wiil be the Citizen Kane of whizz-bang-spurt-crash-boom-aaargh cinema.