Things you shouldn't mention.

When buying a cake:

'Your buns are very well-formed."

When washing a cat:

"This pussy's dripping wet."

When praying at a Synagogue:

"I've discovered a way to combine bacon and sausage! I call it...bausage."

When someone's Mac has crashed:

"Isn't there an app for that?"

When meeting a blind person:

"How many kittens did you make god kill?"

Hosting a Weightwatchers meeting:

"But is it really glandular?"

Talking to a man in a wheelchair.

"You know, you're a real stand-up guy."

Making a speech at a Feminist conference:

"I'll be brief, because I know you all need to get home and make dinner."

Meeting an amputee:

"High-five!"

*** ***

And of course, the war.