Freudian

ID & SUPER are two opposing parts of ALAN's psyche, working against each other to obtain whatever they each think is best.

SUPER is forcedly calm, slightly smug, and very self righteous. She also has a tendency to be mumsy, condescending, and petty.

ID is trying too hard to be cool. He pretends to take nothing seriously. He's sarcastic to ID and slightly bullying to whoever he tries to convince.

*** ***

INTERIOR: ALAN'S House. Kitchen.

ALAN potters about, performing small domestic tasks. He goes over to the cupboard or fridge to put something back, and notices a slice of cake inside. He's momentarily wracked with indecision. ID appears beside him.

SUPER: You really shouldn't eat that, you know. You'll regret it when you can't fit into your good suit.

ID appears on ALAN's other side.

ID: It's just cake. Come on, it's not gonna bite.

SUPER:(Disapproving) But you want to look good at the office don't you?

ID: The office is full of dicks. Like Dave, remember? He stole your good pen!

SUPER:(Ignoring ID) But there is that nice girl Carol, you'd like to look handsome for her, wouldn't you, eh? You'd like to impress her.

ALAN grins and nods at SUPER.

ID: Look, forget 'Carol'. Just look at that cake, sitting there, UNEATEN. It's mocking you.

ID: Are you going to let comestibles laugh at you?

ID & SUPER dissapear.

ALAN makes a defiant face at the cake, and takes it to a table, intending to eat it. He takes a few grateful bites. There is a fruitbowl on the table in front of him.

SUPER reappears.

SUPER: I'm very dissapointed in you.

ALAN ignores her.

SUPER: It's okay though, this is salvagable. Why not have some fruit? (Gestures to the bowl.)

ID reappears.

ID:(Incredulous) Fruit.

SUPER: Some lovely oranges, maybe some banana slices. Sweet, succulent and juicy; like Carol!

ID looks annoyed, and grits his teeth.

ID: No, ALAN! Remember your training. Defeating your opponent is all about honour...

SUPER looks confused. So does ALAN.

ID:...this dessert is your opponent, and to sully something so magnificent with a manky orange or a piffling little pear would be doing it a huge disservice.

SUPER: (facepalm) That's...

ID: Are you going to dishonour the cake, ALAN? Do you fight that dirty?

ALAN looks shocked and shakes his head vigorously, eating the cake more quickly.

This time, ID & SUPER don't disappear, ID looks smugly over at ALAN while he recieves a death stare from SUPER.

SUPER: (Addressing ID directly for the first time) Can I speak to you...outside?

They leave, to stand in the hallway.

SUPER: What the hell was that!?

ID: What?

SUPER: That tangential crap! That's not an argument, it's a farce!

ID: I was merely employing esoteric logic to solve a problem.

SUPER: God, you're impossible.

ID: It's very complicated. you wouldn't understand.

SUPER: I'm not debating this with you. I'm just trying to do my job in there, and you're making it very hard for me.

ID: Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you stood me up at the ball last week.

SUPER: One time! I said I was sorry!

ID: Four hours I was stood there. In the snow. In winter.

SUPER: It can't have been that bad.

ID: In Antarctica.

SUPER: Ah. It was the Penguin Cafe Orchestra, wasn't it.

ID: Bottom line, he's my puppet, and there's nothing you can do about it.

SUPER: Oh yeah?

ID: Try me.

SUPER Re-enters the kitchen, where ALAN is listening with a shocked expression on his face. She grabs a frying pan and goes back into the hallway.

We only hear the following:

ID: What are you-

A loud clanging sound is made.

CUT TO:

ALAN sits on the sofa, watching Tv. He notices a chocolate bar on the table. He reaches for it, but his hand is stopped by ID, sitting on the sofa beside him. He looks worried, and has a bandage on his head.

ID: (Quietly, pleadingly) Don't.

Pan out to show SUPER, sitting on a chair, arms folded, looking sternly at them.

END